Hand Over the Keys, Mr. Kennedy
Jesus, these Kennedy's and moving vehicles...It's enough to make you crazy. Now, regardless of whether you're on the same side politically, there's no arguing their importance to American history. But their's is also a story crammed with misfortune, often behind the wheel.
The eldest Kennedy brother gave his life in WWII, two younger brothers lost their lives to assassins, two sons of those brothers both died in strange accidents. And now the son of the greatest living US Senator gets whacked out on drugs (or drink, depends on what story you believe) and crashes into barriers and cop cars, all the while babbling about being late for a floor vote—at 3:30 in the morning.
I'm not going to even get into daddy Ted's infamous car wreck that left one young woman dead and the Senator's reputation forever clouded.
Did I mention Ted was also in a plane crash in 1964? I'm not kidding.
But now, as a service to this great family and for the protection of the general public, I must ask that we no longer allow the Kennedy's to drive, fly, or otherwise operate motorized vehicles. It's just unsafe. Not for them; not for us.
