Florida Governor, and little brother to the President, is being courted by the NFL to take over as Commissioner. I want to lend by undying support to this effort. I think Jeb Bush would make a fine Commissioner to a league that represents the best in American sports. He's clearly the right choice, let's not hesitate to install him in his new position. It's for the good of the sport—and more importantly, the good of the country!
Way back in the early 90s, there was a whisper that an owner of a Texas team may step in as Baseball Commissioner. He made it clear it was not only his ambition, but his dream to one day oversee the business of the sport he loved so much that he finagled millions of dollars in taxpayer money to build a lame franchise a new stadium. Of course, he owned that team, so it only made sense to lobby on its behalf, but that's beside the point. It was the love of the sport that motivated this young, brash mover from Texas oil country.
But it was not to be. Our hero never saw his dream come true and he had to settle for a thankless, low paying, shit eating job in the HEART America's political wasteland: Washington DC. Sure, he got a free house out of the deal and more guns than Charlton Heston ever laid his demented eyes on, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't baseball.
That young man whose dreams of baseball Commissionership was of course President George W. Bush.
So, in an effort to ensure more dreams aren't dashed (and to save our Great Nation from more Bush family "conservative compassion"), I am hereby asking every American to write to the NFL and plead Jeb's case. Beg them to give him the job. Offer up your wives and drugs. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to make this happen. To fail is to give yourself at least 4 more years of Bush.
National Football League
280 Park Avenue
New York, NY 10017