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John Kerry's Balls: Found

He took a lot of shit for letting way too much time go buy in responding to the Swift Boat nonsense of the 2004 election, but today John Kerry has come back swinging at "Republican hacks, who have never worn the uniform of our country, lie and distort so blatantly and carelessly about those who have."

It started off as one of Kerry's classic, stiff jokes before a class of college students. While trying to instill these kids with an idea of how important education is, the Yale graduate and Vietnam war veteran said, "You know, education -- if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq." After the event, he quickly clarified the statement and said that the line he biffed was supposed to be a bash of the President and his intellectual apathy and how that following his lead might find students getting us into a similar fuck-up as we have in Iraq. Convoluted, I know. But it's John Kerry we're talking about.

But the GOP saw its moment and seized. The talking points went out lightening fast and before you could say "Mission Accomplished" John McCain was saying Kerry's comments were "insensitive" and "ill-considered"; the Snowman said Kerry, "not only owes an apology to those who are serving, but also to the families of those who have given their lives in this"; and the Chicago Tribune had a headline on their website decalring John Kerry as the GOP's October surprise.

But it looks like John F. Kerry has learned his lesson and is not letting a moment pass without responding. In a moment of rare poetry, the junkior Senator from Mass said he won't be lectured a "stuffed suit White House mouthpiece standing behind a podium" or by "doughy Rush Limbaugh."

I'd like to order a doughy Limbaugh and a side of queso, thanks.



Conservatives gleefully ridicule people with debilitating diseases and widows of 9/11. Kerry dispenses with a stupid little quip and the conservatives are all over him.

Conservatives are assholes.

big (october) surprise! kerry flubbed the joke. kerry flubs every joke. he's classic for over talking a thought. we all know that. big deal. it's pretty sad to see all the dem folks telling kerry to back off from supporting them this last week. forget about the quagmire that the bush administration is perciding over in iraq. forget about the war profiteering. forget about rumsfeld failing as secretary of defense. kerry messes up a joke... no lives lost. bush administration messes up their responsibility and thousands upon thousands die.

let's be honest with ourselves. yes, the men and women that volunteer to serve do so out of a patriotic sense of duty. they view it as an opportunity to better themselves by earning college tuition, gaining formal training for better civilian jobs, or as a long term career in the military. they are patriots. they are fine americans. the volunteer army is predominately made up by the middle class. they are not ill educated or poor. the ranks fall pretty much within the demogaphics for the united states. still, i'm going to guess that yale students have a better chance of getting futher in life with their education and the privliges afforded them than a soldier serving in iraq. how far can an average yale student go in life. hell, they could even become president. albeit a poor one.

and let's call the out the right folks... it's the neo-cons taht took over the repulbican party that is driving the country down the toilet. true conservatives have to rise up and take their party back for the sake of the country's future.

bush, cheney, rumsfeld, hannity, limbaugh, coulter... these are not conservatives. they are neo-con talking heads. they are the disease that is destrotying america.

the neo-cons must be stopped!

Anyone catch the irony of a man who had the same grades and scores and went to the same schools as Bush, (supposedly) calling Bush "dumb"--AND fucking it up?

Kerry can't even get outrage right, and not only can he not get it right, a week before election time he serves up a neat little gaffe that is impossible to explain away because Joe Average will have already internalized John "Those weren't my medals" Kerry's latest insult to the troops.

Someone tell this fucking "genius" it's a little too late for his recent testicular enhancement. He'll never tell me anything I don't know and he sure as shit never says anything I need to hear.

let's have some fun with this for a moment... let's take the conspiracy theorist extreme on this. could this be kerry aiding bush due to his ties to skull and bones? could he be an act of sabotage to aid a secret society that is truly running the country? could kerry be a pawn to bring down the democratic party?

ah well. fun for a laugh anyway.

vitas, you may be onto something.

Check this: if the dems win big next week, they're left holding half the bag when Bush leaves in '08. "We want a change!" squeals the electorate. "Throw ALL the bums out!"

Knowing his chances are actually nil but his name recognition still good, Kerry is elected the fall guy, doing his thing to sabotage dem chances in 2006 in order to position the party for the trifecta of both houses of Congress and the Presidency in 2008!

The man is a genius!

C'mon, barabajagal, you're being a little unfair here. Yeah, so maybe he did have the same grades as Bush when they went to Yale. But since then, ask yourself who seems to have made more of an effort to engage, or even take the slightest passing interest in, the world around him, Bush or Kerry? Yeah, he's stiff as a board! Yeah, he's a lousy comedian! Who gives a shit!My respect for him as a senator has as little to do with his sense of humor as my respect for Clinton based on the fact that he could play a mean sax. That undeniable fact is that Kerry has done a hell of a lot more with his post-college years than Bush could ever hope to accomplish, both in the Senate and in the military.
But back to his dumb comment, It took me all of thirty seconds to figure out what Kerry meant, as clumsy as the delivery was. If Americans can't figure it out on their own, and vote against democrats simply because of that remark, then they deserve another Republican administration.

Steve-o, I'm not being unfair--Kerry is about as bright as George Bush. Scary, I know. Maybe not really; they're both mediocrities. That's OK.

The thing about that joke--let's parse it--was he trying to say "Make the most of your educational opportunities, OR you'll wind up President of the United States?" No. Not only did he flub a joke (if it even was a joke), he flubbed it in exactly the right way to fuck himself over.

I voted for the guy, really to vote against Bush. But in retrospect John Kerry does not deserve our defense of his ineptitude. There's little to admire--including his questionable military record, his one-note claim for respect for which he STILL hasn't released all his information as he promised years ago while he allowed the Swifties to walk all over him. His fake medal stunt is an embarrassment, and as a public servant he is nothing to write home about. But I'm sure he's pretty decent for a rich guy.

So, get out of the way, John Kerry. We need democrats who get it.

"as a public servant he is nothing to write home about"

B, you should know better than that. This isn't 2004. Check it:

As a senator, Kerry investigated the State Department's involvment with paying off drug traffickers while working with the Contras in Central America, which eventually led to the Iran-Contra hearings:


In the early 90's, Kerry led another committee which began investigating BCCI, the international bank that was found to be financing scores of Middle Eastern and Central American terrorist organizations, as well as helping out a few American oilmen's entrepeneurial
activities *cough* cough*.



And if you really have the time, you can read the entire report on BCCI's financial dealings that his committee issued:


Kerry's not a perfect politician, and sometimes his obvious desire to be another Kennedy gets on my nerves. But the assertion that he was a lackluster senator is, for lack of a better term, total bullshit.

Yes, I'm harsh. The thing is, I know who the good guys and the bad guys are, and I have to vent my anger at the ineptitude of the good guys. One can become paralyzed by outrage over the other side's perfidy and success.

These days politically the ONLY thing I care about is winning elections. I am not even interested in who's done what. Second to this, having some kind of long term outlook and ideology that does not scare away those key middle-of-the-road voters. The democrats can shout, get red in the face, talk "tough" and tout their military credentials all they want, and they will continue to impress nobody.

Basically, until they "get" how to talk to Americans, they are forever going to just be the party that profits from republican fatigue. That is playing not to lose.

Clinton got it. Obama gets it. Tony Blair, to a certain extent. Why is it so few of the rest seem to get it? The question is not "What needs to be done in Iraq?" The question is "How do we win the next few elections?"

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