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Huckabee Hearts the Stones

Another classic from Matt Taibbi: Mike Huckabee, Our Favorite Right-Wing Nut Job. I haven't been actually enthused about getting my fortnightly issue of Rolling Stone magazine in more years than I care to remember. But these days, Matt Taibbi's coverage of the presidential nominees has me running down to the mailbox...

"I'm glad you're here," he told me. "I finally get to tell someone who cares about Keith Richards."

Before I could respond, Huckabee plowed into a long and very entertaining story -- one that included a surprisingly dead-on Pirates of the Caribbean-esque impersonation -- about how Richards and Ron Wood got pulled over for reckless driving while on tour in Fordyce, Arkansas, a million and a half years ago, in 1975. Richards ended up getting a misdemeanor conviction -- an injustice that stood for thirty-one years, until Huckabee, a would-be rock musician himself, stepped in and pardoned Richards last year.

"It's a long process, pardoning," Huckabee said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "It takes a lot of paperwork. And the funny thing is, people said to me afterwards, 'Governor, you'll do that for Keith Richards, but you wouldn't do that for an ordinary person.' And my answer to that is always, 'Hey, if you can play guitar like Keith Richards, I'll consider pardoning you, too.'?"

Huckabee, who in recent years has lost 100 pounds, has the roundish, half-deflated physique of an ex-fatty. With his button nose and never-waning smile, he looks slightly unreal, like an oversize Muppet. I was so taken aback by his appearance that I checked his hands to make sure they had the right number of fingers. After the Richards tale, he went on to tell me about the band he plays bass for, and how he has jammed with the likes of Percy Sledge and Grand Funk Railroad, and how he prefers John Entwistle to Flea's slap-and-pop style of bass-playing. Ten minutes later, driving away from the fund-raiser, I caught myself thinking: Hey, this guy doesn't seem like a total dickhead. I can almost see him as president. . . .

Then I woke up and did some homework that changed my mind. But I confess: It took a little while. Huckabee is that good.

What do you think? How would you feel if Huck won the GOP nomination? I've got to admit that I'm afraid that the Chuck Norris fan might actually have a chance against the stiffees leading the Dems in their primary race...

At least this freak has a personality and a sense of humor. That's more than can be said of anybody the left has produced since Bill Clinton.



"At least this freak has a personality and a sense of humor. That's more than can be said of anybody the left has produced since Bill Clinton."

Why you gotta dog Obama like that?

Oh you know I like Obama just fine. And he seems a little less stiff than any of the other Democrats, but that's not saying much. Stiff. Even on SNL a few weeks ago: stiff.

Whatever though: his posture reminds of Abe Lincoln, which is good. Very presidential.

While I'm at odds with much of Huckabee's policy positions and the Earth-is-6,000-years-old thing, he at least seems like a human being. I have nowhere near the contempt for him that I do the current Resident.

If he won the WH, would Chuck Norris get a cabinet position? We could bring the troops home and just send Chuck Norris to the Middle East. We'd have lasting peace in no time.

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